A month ago, the New York Times asked how gay a gay bar needed to be to be a gay bar. Now, in the pages of Out magazine, contributor Rose Dommu argues that wanting to keep gay spaces gay is misogyny.
…saying that no women should be in gay bars is a false equivalency because not all women in gay bars are there to drink through penis straws and request that the DJ play "The Thong Song," even though the DJ totally should play "The Thong Song." Women in gay bars are not limited to bachelorettes, did you forget that queer women exist? Trans women? Straight women with gay friends or straight women who just like gay bars or drag queens? Well, yeah, you probably did.
And even if you did, requiring some kind of reason for a woman to be in a gay bar, or an excuse or some gay to supervise her, is misogyny. Questioning a woman's right to be anywhere or do anything is misogyny. It's perfectly fine to ask cis-hetero women to be more respectful of our spaces instead of being misogynists.
OK, Rose, let me first agree with you on a few things: It is 2017. Women can go wherever they want. YOU ARE WELCOME at a gay bar, a sports bar or wherever you choose to be.
You do not, however, have the right to dictate how other people feel about that or project motivations upon them.
You also should understand that when you come to a gay bar, your experience will be materially different than when you go to a straight club. You will NOT get special treatment at the bar. You will not be able to bum a cigarette from a guy–since they raised the taxes by $2 a pack, we only give them away if we want to sleep with you, and we don't. You should not expect people to hold the door or let you use the men's room or get out of the way because in this space we are equals. You should not touch the gogo dancer below the pelvis or expose the cleft of their buttocks because that would be a potential ABC violation that could get the club shut down–but you're a visitor and may not know that.
So, all that being said, we look forward to seeing you, Rose, and Becky on Saturday and be sure to tip your bartender!